I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
