remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
