Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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