Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
