My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The adults are the big ones right?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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