Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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