You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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