he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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