I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
