pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Can I color on your dick again?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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