I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
