Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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