You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
