I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
