My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
