Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
