so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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