We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
