I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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