I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
