hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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