Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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