Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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