I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
