I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
