Pants 0. Shit 1.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
