what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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