our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
