Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize