What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize