I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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