i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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