well you can't waste a boner
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just found a bag of teeth...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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