I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
