So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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