Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
