Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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