OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
