and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
