I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize