Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
