apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
