First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
