I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
