Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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