This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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