I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
