And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
