she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
