Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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