we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
