I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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