I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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