I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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