Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
