Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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