If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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