just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
it's great music for shaving your balls
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
