mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
