he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
