Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize