No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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