if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize