Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
