I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
