I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
