i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
