How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
