OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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