Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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