im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
