I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
