If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
