Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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