Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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