I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
