maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
