remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
