I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
