I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
