I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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