Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
